omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
