Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
worst night to have a conscience
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Randomize
