um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize