Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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