you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
