whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found puke in my bra..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
