No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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