therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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