I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
