Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
