my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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