had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
