we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize