after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
