Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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