I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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