He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
