She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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