its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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