Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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