well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
