you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
