I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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