After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
