Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish you could order shots online.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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