words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
