Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
