No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
