the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize