You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
