So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
