He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
