you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize