Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize