If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
