I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
