man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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