I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
