I'm laying in your front yard are you home
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
