chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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