soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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