I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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