hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
