the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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