I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
