The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize