And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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