I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
