Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
