Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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