if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The air was thick with penises
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
