and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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