Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
