these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
