whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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