yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
