I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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