So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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