I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
