where am i from again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
