I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
