I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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