I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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