oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
time to smoke my breakfast
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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