Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
